Home Improvement

Have you ever heard someone say "Oh the Joys of Home Ownership" and they've actually been talking about something they enjoy? I haven't. Not once, and I know lots of people who own homes. I ask this because I'm currently in the process of building a new front porch. Kir and I had been having discussions about things that "need" to be done to the house. (As I finish typing that last sentence I just know I'm gonna get it for those quotation marks.) Anyway, we get water in our basement and so waterproofing is one of the things on the list. It's a big $ thing so I rank it pretty low. But at the same time, it would add some value to our house so, Kir ranks it pretty high on her list. Obviously we're on opposite sides of the spectrum on that so, rather than argue about it we're going to hold off on it for a while. Which brings us back to the front porch. I think this is a great project. It's something that will add curb appeal. Making our house more attractive from the street and the spy satellites. I started last night by going to Home Depot and picking up a Gorilla Bar, now that's a manly sounding tool. I imagine construction workers talking about these things:

Joe McKenna: Is that a Gorilla Bar?!?! Bart Groin: Of course it is. Would any other brand of pry bar have this thick black hair all over and the distinctive silver back? Joe (To other workers): Check it out guys, Groin's got a Gorilla bar! Crowd gathers, grunting their envious approval.

Yeah, that's a man's tool. Bart Groin, tough name for a tough guy. Actually, he's former military. Sergeant Bart Groin of the Pain Platoon. Yes folks, this is the kind of stuff that runs through my head. So, back again, to the porch. Last night after I get home from picking up the Gorilla bar (from Roughneck a Division of Olympia Group, Inc. available at your local Home Depot. . .) I begin by removing the lattice work, then I tore off the steps. Quite satisfying. Then I took all the wrought iron railings off and began tearing up the floor. I stopped around 10:30 because I didn't want to be the jerk neighbor who keeps other people and their children from getting to sleep. I got up this morning, ate some breakfast and got back to work. I'm proud to say that I finished tearing up the porch floor. So soon here I'll be taking another trip to Home Depot. It's funny, every time anyone ever says something about the "Joys of Homeownership," the words, Home and Depot are soon following. I really am enjoying this though. . . Hmm.