The doctor is ready to see you (wait in another room) now...

I don't like going to see the doctor. Mostly because I know that I'm going to sit in a small waiting room with people who are actually sick. I have allergies. I'm not really sure when I developed them but, at some point in my life I became allergic to dust. I've been allergic to cats for a long time. That doesn't bother me much because I hate cats. My allergies didn't bother me much, in fact they never bothered me. Then I got married. I guess, due to my inability to breathe through my nose at night, I would breathe rather loudly out of my mouth. Or Snore. It was so obnoxious that if Kirsten were to wake up at night, my breathing would keep her awake. Especially when I would roll over and put my face right behind her head. Imagine Darth Vader breathing right behind you as you try to fall asleep. So she suggested that I see the doctor about this. This was winter of 2003 (an important detail as you'll soon see - regarding my choice of under garments). At this point in my life I had not visited a doctor in probably six years. So I look in my medical insurance book to find a doctor that was:

1. close to work so I wouldn't have to take any extra time off and...
2. close to work

Lucky me - there just happens to be a doctor RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET from my office. I'm figuring that I can easily schedule this doctors appointment and it would take no longer than my lunch break. Wow, was I wrong. First the waiting room - to quote Jerry Seinfeld - "There's no chance of not waiting, that's the name of the room." So I wait, looking around, pretending like I'm reading some old magazine with the address panel cut out. Finally after 2 hours of the waiting room I get to go back, behind that door. The door that I had seen FIVE, count them, FIVE pharmaceutical sales reps go through, while only seeing 2 other actual patients go through. So after I'm through that door the nurse weighs me, checks my blood pressure and asks me some questions. She leaves the room and as she does I see, sitting on top of a chair, a stack of magazines. I think to myself, "this can't be a good thing" - there had to have been at least 12 of them. So I crack open an automobile magazine and read an article about a Japanese car company that is planning to start exporting cars to America, that company - Honda. I swear, this magazine was at least 30+ years old. Okay, so the magazines weren't that old but they were old. After I had flipped through at least 5 magazines, the nurse came in and said - "Josh, we're going to need this room for another patient, if you could follow me into room 2, I'd appreciate it." So I moved into room 2, waited with another large stack of old magazines and about 15 minutes later the doctor walks in. I tell him my symptoms, he diagnoses that I have allergic rhinitis and writes me a prescription for an allergy pill, a nose spray and a shot. He's in and out in under 10 minutes. I wait in the room another 10 minutes and the nurse comes back in with a syringe and tells me that she needs to give me a shot in my "backside" What she didn't need to do was comment on the boxer shorts that I was wearing. "Santa on skis and snowboards - how cute!" So after getting an opinion on 1. My allergies and 2. My underwear, I finally escape. The damage:

• 4 1/2 hours of time stolen from my life
• $15 co-pay
• Another $30 for the prescriptions.

The worst part is, the nose spray, Flonase, made my nose bleed - a lot. So I had to go back, this time a whole new set of prescriptions - another $30 - Not only does this one make my nose bleed, but it's also insulting - RHINOcort. Finally I say forget it with the nasal sprays and settle on Zyrtec-D, what a wonderful little pill. So over a year goes by, just fine, getting refills and breathing quietly at night. Then about 3 weeks ago I notice my medicine is running low. So I call the doctor for a refill and Nurse Underpants informs me that since the doctor hasn't seen me in over a year I need to schedule an office visit. I prepare for another 4+ hours of my life to go down the drain while I pretend to read magazines from 1997. Well, today was the day and I escaped in just over 60 minutes. I don't think the doctor has changed anything, I was just lucky. 10 minutes spent with the doctor resulted in me getting a prescription written for a full year's supply of Zyrtec. I just need to remember to call back in less than a year. God help us if we ever have government run healthcare. I'll need to take vacation time.