Relativity

There are a lot of Smiths in the world and you would think that people would be smart enough to realize that we're not all related. The other day, I had a guy ask me if I was related to the Josh Smith that plays in the Cleveland Orchestra. What is this? Is the likelihood of me being related to another Smith increased by the fact that they have the same first name also? No. But I still find myself being asked by people, "Hey are you related to so-and-so Smith, or Whats-her-face Smith?" My answer is generally - No. But in some rare cases, the answer is yes. This entry sets out to answer some of those burning questions you might have as to who I am, and am not related to.

"Errm - Josh? None of us care who you're related too. Besides you're probably just going to make stuff up anyway."

So what?

"We'll we just don't want you getting any delusions of grandeur that we care all that much. Besides - you're doing that talking to yourself thing again."

Oh, sorry.

"It's alright, we've actually kind of missed you."

I've missed you too, voices-in-my-head-who-I-pretend-are-my-blog-readers. So here it is - Famous/Infamous Smiths that I may or may not be related to! Category: Dead Smiths! The Famous Captain John Smith of Pocahontas fame, most recently seen as a Disney character. John was a writer, his stories were - for the most part - fabrications. John... Telling stories, claiming things happened to you that really didn't - for shame. That reminds me, maybe sometime in the near future I'll write about the time I drove a Porsche 911 at 200 mph on Route 8, while blindfolded, eating soup... Dodie, another writer! She wrote the book 101 Dalmations. She actually owned a dalmation named Pongo and her family owned eight other dalmations. Other than that I found Dodie to be quite boring. Ever find yourself laying on the couch on a Sunday afternoon, there's nothing interesting on and you end up watching Xena: Warrior Princess or Hercules? If so, you might have seen Kevin in all his crappy fake goatee glory! He played the Greek god Ares. Sadly Kevin died at a young age, so much for that immortality thing.. Good luck finding any info on how he died though. The only site that said anything about it was in Italian and - non parlo italiano molto buon. Category: Smiths with the same name as my family! Well, I wasn't having any luck finding any living Smiths that I was related to so I decided to look for some with the same names as my family. First I looked for my mom's name and boy did I hit the jackpot... Yes - you read that web address right - that's not chef it's "The Pampered Prisoner" dotcom. Candy Smith - also know as prisoner number W052124 in the Marysville Ohio Reformatory for Women. Incarcerated until 4/2007 for drug trafficking. Candy's just like any other convicted felon, "Looking to meet an older, financially stable, intelligent man." Sorry Candy, I've never run across any personal ads reading: "Financially stable, intelligent man seeks the companionship of incarcerated drug trafficking white female to share hopes, dreams and life with." But then again, I don't read many personal ads - good luck Candy. Look Ma! It's your namesake and she's in "Jayull!" Dad lucks out with this guy a genuine CCM artist. CCM stands for contemporary Christian music, I just found that out. I listened to some of his music samples, He's actually quite good. And with the bald head thing he should go pretty far, heck it seems to be working for Charlie Hall, Phil Collins, James Taylor, and that guy from The Newsboys. There are a ton of Ben Smith's on the web, but this guy isn't one of them. Ben of Buford, GA works for Kubota and drives an antique John Deere in tractor pulls. I don't want to say anything mean or remotely rude about this guy - given the fact that he probably knows some of "the boys" from Buford and you really don't want them coming after you. Another musician, this time a drummer. I listened to his music samples and I hear drums in the background. They're definitely keeping rhythm but, everybody else is playing a different song. Maybe it's "scat" or "jazz" or "some kind of music that people play random notes that don't sound well together." Whatever it is, Nate's back there banging away on the drums hoping that the guys in his band have finally learned to read music. Category: Other Interesting Smiths ! I'd have to say that Margo, is by far my favorite of all the Smith's I've run across on the web. She's a yodeler. Listen to a clip of He Taught Me to Yodel, it's awesome. How do people do that! The best part is from her bio on cmt.com, it states:

In 1979, Smith had two major hits and decided to affect a sexier image, appearing in only a satin robe on the cover of her album Just Margo. In the early '80s, Smith reverted to her previous wholesome image.

I guess Satin robes and Country/Gospel music don't mix. Visit her site and you can also visit her home. She'll be on tour this summer and will be doing three shows daily at Dollywood. You'll hear other big hits like God's Bigger than Wall Street, An Old Memory Got in My Eye and much, much more! I just had to keep looking on this site for more Smiths, this one has quite a story. On ThePamperedPrisoner she lists herself as Toria, when in fact her name is actually, Tonia. She describes herself as a "Tall, Nubian Queen, down-to-earth, educated, high moral values, sweet & sexy." Wait a second, did you just read "high moral values"? Maybe, as long as you don't count killing people as something that goes against your morals. Well, maybe she's reformed if not she might be by the time she gets out in January of 2023. There's a familiar face! Dave is the head youth pastor at The Chapel. He's actually been pretty sick lately. Hope you feel better Dave! You might want to ask the doctors if you're supposed to have that pink glow radiating from your body. Whatever Dave had is spreading, the book has it now too! Actually this is a different Dave who offers practical advice for staying at the top of the food chain. One thing that cracked me up - the heading on the back cover - "Avoid Unpleasant Encounters." Really? Being eaten would be unpleasant?!? Speaking of being eaten, Kir and I ate at Texas Roadhouse a few weekends ago and I had the ribs & sirloin platter. I told Kirsten that if I'm ever eaten, I hope I have "fall off the bone" ribs. Mmmh. Well that's pretty much it, I could go on and on with all the Smiths on the net. William Kennedy Smith, Susan Smith - the one that drowned her kids, Patti Smith - the hairy armpit singer... We keep going and going, I'd probably never find one that I'm related to though. Oh well. Except for TheCoffeeSmith, that's Dad - look him up if you want a really good cup of coffee. If you think I've left any real important ones out, let me know. On behalf of all the other Smith's out there, stop asking us - the answer is no. None of us are actually related to anyone you know. Oh, I am related to Will Smith though. Yeah, he's my cousin - on my mom's side.